Perhaps there is an unwritten rule somewhere that says when you've lived for a thousand years, drank only blood and walked only by night that you have a right to be a bit of a poser. But from an audience perspective, that doesn't make it any more tolerable to watch it for two hours. Underworld could almost be considered something of fashion show for the undead. Sure, they fight each other a lot, but before they do, they put on their best designer leathers, strut dramatically through doors and pose triumphantly.

Oh, how I wanted to like this movie.

The problem is that this is the sort of film where the good guys are really bad guys, the bad guys are really good guys and by the end, you're a little bewildered about why everyone was so grumpy with each other. It's not that the plot doesn't explain itself. Rather, it's that all of the characters are so much alike that it all seems a little pointless and silly. What's worse is that by the end, nothing is really resolved. Sure, a lot of monsters died, but it's implied that there will be plenty more to take their place.

The story, what little we are able to gather from the infrequent breaks in the action, is actually rather interesting. It seems that vampires are real, but rather than existing as supernatural beings, they are the victims of a virus that has mutated them into a new species. A similar virus also created werewolves. The vampires and the werewolves are at war with each other. At first we don't know why, but eventually we learn that the vampires once kept the werewolves as slaves and now they hold a grudge.

To be fair, there are certain elements of this scenario that just don't make much sense. For example, we learn that the vampires have successfully hunted the werewolves nearly to extinction. Yet we also learn that the werewolves have developed the ability to transform at will and no longer depend on the cycles of the moon. Now, friends, I ask you this: Why aren't the werewolves killing the vampires during the middle of the day? Maybe they just aren't the smartest of creatures.

But then again, we are meant to believe that the werewolves are smart enough to have figured out that there may be a means to combine the traits of both werewolves and vampires, creating a new race that is stronger than both. It seems that the werewolves believe that if they can turn one of their own into one of these super-beasties, then they will finally be able to defeat the vampires.

The key to combining the races is in the blood of (and pardon me if I'm fudging the details, but given that most explanations are offered only during breathless pauses between gun battles, they can be a little hard to follow) a direct descendent of one of the original werewolves, who isn't himself a werewolf, at least not yet.

This person is Michael (Scott Speedman), who has no clue of his furry heritage until he finds himself in the middle of a subway gunbattle. A vampire, Selene (Kate Beckinsale), notices the werewolves, or lycans (as in lycanthrope), as they like to be called, are taking an interest in this human. She figures that if he's important to the lycans, then he should be important to the vampires, too. So she rescues him.

She is later shocked to learn that Michael was bitten by a lycan and is now in the process of becoming a werewolf. This is shocking to her because, as she explains, being bitten by either a vampire or a lycan doesn't turn them, it just kills them. But then later we learn that Selene herself was once human and somehow was turned, so the only conclusion we can come to is that the rules only apply when it's convenient.

Complicating matters, Selene finds that she's attracted to Michael, but it's the sort of attraction that isn't nearly as important as kicking down doors and shooting at things. Selene resurrects an ancient vampire to help her figure out how to save Michael, but this old bloodsucker, Viktor (Bill Nighy) may or may not be on her side. By the time we reach the concussive finish line, we no longer know who's side to be on. The vampires seem bad, but the lycans seem just as bad.

The end credits roll with the hint of more story to follow. I can only hope that if there are to be sequels that they try to balance the substance with the style.